Would my husband want this?
I ask myself this but the answer is already in my heart...my husband would want me to reach my dreams, live them out and be fulfilled.
His path was in so many deep and intensely meaningful ways, astounding, his path...his life,his dream. It was fulfilling and healing, he had healed and was basking in being truly and unconditionally loved. He was free from all of the demons of the past and I helped him learn to receive love. I took my place as his wife, healer and comforter seriously, I gave him all I had...he was so deserving and had nearly given up on true love.
For all of the people over all of the years the countless lives Bobby touched with his compassion and committment to a suffering addict was indeed commendable. Those touched live on, they carry the massage he carried to them.
I am still getting emails in my husbands account, which I can't bring myself to close yet....some of them don't know as they write, that he is gone...he has moved on to a place most can't really fathom. The ultimate place of places...I take great comfort in knowing the truest part of my husband is at total peace now, his soul is totally free. He has let me know many times over now, he is free. He now helps me to move forward, to assure me it is the right thing.
Getting past the longing for his physical presence is an excruciating part of this hideous grieving process, it is not for the faint of heart, I promise you that. Gathering up all my Irish doesn't do it some days. There are good days though, simple usually...days of loving or sharing with those I love. God has blessed me with many people to love. He has also blessed me beyond my comprehension with people that love back!
I am grateful for this and I try to live in that state of being.
So now I go back, back to my realization...everything I do is to ready me for more...more life, more love, more learning and importantly for me, more doing...doing his work...I have started again if I ever fully left. I feel a sense of strength, compassion and adventure again, in some ways I feel these things stronger because he has made me a better version of myself. The light I brought to him when he needed it most has stayed with me as has a sense for him. We will see where this all leads as life extends it's path to me and I follow...
You inspire me...
In Love & Light,
Nakupenda,
Malaika~ Ah yes, feeling Malaika today
Psalm 146:1 "Shout praises to the Lord! With all that I am, I will shout his praises."
