It fell into my hands today...from the heavens it fell. The only Anniversary card he would ever be able to hand me, our eyes connecting as they did. Knowing, I believe he would only do it once...me knowing as well...
My tears are searing and yet they cause my heart to swell In my chest....as I write I am listening to our music...misguided angel streams like honey out of our Bose.
We burned strong and steady, our love palpable to those around us...I hold my card, I want him so...just want to lie there in his strong and so loving arms. Bobby I miss you...our vows said "and on into eternity" and I carry that vow within me.
Your face is framed over my head as I write, those Military issue Aviators and a young face already touched by such pain...I am with you, you with me...
Having survived many a year with only a small handful of people know I have PTSD...people recoil from what makes them uncomfortable. It's quite true...people don't like what they can't fix or don't know how to react to.
I don't blame them I just don't think that way. When someone tells me personal things, painful things I see that as an opportunity to help, to let God guide my heart and deliver some truth, some how, some measure of comfort as he would provide.
I reread much of what was written today on my FB page, this new social virtual world we have all opened our selves up to in varied degrees...
I went back and re-read a handful of beautiful, loving and deeply supportive statement's of support for me today. They come to me amidst my actual horror since losing my husband. This wretched PTSD I have lived with since 18 and managed to hold at bay for SUCH long period's of time...I thank these beautiful souls, these worker's of light, I love them. This life is about the sharing of our souls...or so it is my true belief.
My Bobby understood and loved even the broken parts of me...he recognized them and nourished me as I nourished him. I completed him in all his splendor and he had finished his battle here, he was a warrior...as we all are.
Let us have courage in facing our own imperfection's and scars as well as each others...God forgives us our humanity after all, he forgives us all things.
Love, Peace and Happiness...
Nakupenda'
Malaika
