Bogey's officially a "lapcat"

Okay, it's happened...he wouldn't like it but it has happened. His studmuffin cat has learned to crawl into my lap and purr and nudge me until I pet him. I look down at him and his hulky frame that makes him an unlikely candidate for lapcat of the month and sigh...
our kitty just looks right at me and we connect as if to say "yup, he's gone now" I drip tears on him, he gets irritated and leaves...seems the noise in the kitchen aka Alice Trouble Herne aka Alice made that choice an easy one.

"Honey come look at the kitties" I'd say to B. he'd walk in shake his head and smile that smile of his and time would freeze for a second...one of those moments when you say "if this as happy as I ever get, that's great"... wow, did we have lots and lots of those. I loved that man, there is a major fault in my heart that will shift on me when I least expect it. When I saw something I saw it for both of us, always...how can I change that? I won't change that.

Is this real...?

For every lucid moment I am gifted with there is a moment of sorrow so deep I watch my skin to see if it will pierce me somewhere...how can it not, I ponder...how can it not. 


Some of you know some of you don't, my Beloved husband succumbed to a hateful liver affliction two weeks ago today. Part of me died that day...




I am at once trying to suspend time and throw myself into the future, I am at a place to write in...the chill is nearly enough to validate the ache in my bones that is stoked by the eery liquid sadness in my heart, a dark pocket in me wants it to simply stop beating...to catch up to the soul in me. 


Surely our souls can not ever be separated, this is incomprehensible to me, I refuse to believe it. 


I want his company, I want him to whisper to me. I know one day it will happen and I will have that little bit back again. There was the day...the day was as sad as it was perfect. 


The angels came for my husband and we said our goodbyes as soft, private and forever as one could ever possibly dream of...


I will revisit this tender place it is within me at all times, tonight I am drained. 


Let me just close by saying I have very big plans for the future...my path lays before me and I will step back on it.  


Maji and a few close friends that we believe God has brought together and I have begun the  creation of a healthy Faith, Love and healing based retreat, { full yoga program as included well by a certified Yogini }  all set in the mountains of New Hampshire. 


He is working through me as he is strengthening my Faith and for all of it I acknowledge his blessings...Lord do with me as you wish, I am here...




Nakupenda




Malaika~ 

Love and Light always...

Soulshine

Stopped dead in my tracks...denial doesn't suit anyone. Fuzzy...I am feeling that awful blur that follows a "sleep seizure", which I had last night and perhaps last week too, as this horrifying bullshit was unleashed. Or perhaps it is intense shock...too fuzzy, not sure. Get better Bobby, fight, remember you have a beautiful life to come back to...please come back.

This resounds in my sore and fuzzy head as the mother of all headaches...
Wait on me Baby, wait...I will be there tomorrow. Today I will care for my soul and my heart and my bones. Today I will attempt to be kind to myself...my head, my belly, I may even take a bath then I will hug my little Mads and be sure her heart and her soul are okay today. She misses her Dad and is trying to process  this with her little eight year old heart...she needs comfort and God will be there with us.