Feeling the Fury...Mother to Mother

Feeling her fury shake my house while my heart is quivering along with my lip tonight...The Nor'easter that is covering our island with her white cold is seemingly disregarding our presence as the wind attempts to wipe us away. It is scary but truth be told it is energizing my being while we shake together, she and I. Nothing is as scary as the uncertainties lately.

This terrifying ground my loving husband and I find our self on has been much the same these past few weeks. We both saw his obvious progress and were like giddy kids,celebrating and simply enjoying our reprieve.

The last small handful of days we've seen some initially worrisome and now disappointing signs that this beast is determined to leave my beloved feeling battered...

My Faith and I wrestle a bit daily and yet I cling to God, my Father, as I know he is my source of strength now and forever. This furious wind will NOT break down the strong walls built on the concrete foundation that holds it safely in place. In that same way the tumultuous force that attempts to ravage my soul or dampen our spirits, will NOT.

For now I leave you...prayers always welcomed and deeply appreciated.

In Light and Love,

Sharon

One day I will go home, until then I remain his footsoldier...

The Silver Cord

Truth and all that it offers is worth every tear ever shed due to it's impact. I am learning that the  more I embrace truth, the more empowered I become. The value of life can not be measured by one that has not lived it.

Acceptance is not resignation, people have difficulty with this concept... I fumble to explain it even though it is my soul's "mode" during these trying times. I find I am comfortable and keenly aware in this state so I will elaborate.

My husband is "ill", we acknowledge this as "fact" in a scientific sense and fight fiercely the beast that threatens us. What we choose to accept as our "truth" does not coincide with any "diagnosis" however and this is not to be mistaken for denial by any means.
One can not accept something and deny it, it becomes moot. We accept that the body shows a condition we do not and will not resign ourselves to as a conclusion unless it becomes known to us as such.

We refuse to be reduced to statistics.  I say "our" because this beautiful man I married was sent to me because I had prepared myself just as he had...we have work to do. We are ourselves now that we are together, simply put.

I was blessed today in a most extraordinary way, it breathed life into me in a way only God can.

People under exceptional circumstances can bridge a gap for others in a rather profound way, I know this first hand.
This will get tricky for you as a reader if you did not start at the beginning of the blog as I suggested in the header...time has become so valuable you see that I can not back-track if you will, at this point.
Sob Back to bridging the gap...I have had the gift of being a vessel through which a loved one has reached out to someone here in this life with a message. There was a time when it was a far larger part of me than it has been for quite a while, sadly. To remain in a place where this occurs or anything related to it even, requires solitude and prayer for me...often for many, many hours. Being newly married and having an eight year old child to raise as lovely as that is will infringe on privacy never mind solitude! 
My husband suffers that same fate and I know he too misses his solitude often, we are working on it. There is so much that is good about finding real love with your soul's mate this late in the game....much of it is being able to trust that you have each others needs truly at heart and we do.

I apologize for wandering off...my mind and heart are still settling in with the events of the day.
I sat today with a very sick friend that means the world to me. We sat hand in hand and there was a profound connecting that took place as we indulged in some very real discussion. I am forever changed and I know she is as well. Everyone of us that was there today as a small group was connected and elevated to a place one has a rare opportunity to visit.
 I have spoken before of what I see as a veil, today the veil was thin and a deep desire coupled with a pure heart was the only price of admission beyond that veil. I have missed this state more than I had realized, I am brought to tears yet again as I realize this. Today  the tables had turned and I was on the receiving end of information,  I was the one being comforted by loved ones on the other side. My beautiful friend was the vessel or the earth angel, Spiritual warrior... whatever term you prefer.

Life is so much more poignant and precious when you are able to accept that we really are all very much connected regardless of the where's or the how's.

 I know this is a lot for many to swallow, I only offer it up with the deepest respect and the hope that it is accepted in the manor in which it is meant. It is in the beginning and in the end all about the love that connects us, always. I was blessed to see a silvery cord between two people that shared a profound love, what a gift that was all by itself. My friend's husband is clearly her soulmate and I thank them for what I was able to witness. I am blessed and honored.

 If you are still reading, I ask you to please pray for my friend and her family, pray for my husband and I and then spend some real time  praying for yourself. Pray that your heart opens itself up to receive love from all plateaus. When it is pure love it comes from many a source.

As always I send you love and I send you light,

Sharon...

Nakupenda,

 Malaika~

Through the Fire

Be "Mindful"...we hear this all the time, some take the time to try and figure out the how's and some even the whys of that word. Then there are those of us that have mastered it to some degree and have seen the transformation from dark to Light. For some the road is as simple as acting "as if " the trick being to stay the course, easier said than done ironically. In saying I have entered into a state of mastering is simply to say that I acknowledge it is all brought about in HIS time, not mine and I recognize how vast a course any stage can be. God has always liked to boot me in the ass for lack of a better term, there isn't one. I humbly acknowledge that it takes that to get my full and rapt attention sometimes. I am one to take emotions and thoughts to an extreme, that is my comfort zone which is hard for many to grasp, I like the trenches and there is no fear for me there.

Living in the present moment affords me many choices on any given day to act or react in a way that can build a bridge or tear one down, it is left up to me. Living in the moment challenges me minute by minute to grasp a moment and squeeze the juice right out of it and I do. Doing this repeatedly makes life rather fluid and I can no longer do it comfortably any other way. When I find myself swimming against the tide or "white knuckling" ANYTHING, I MUST pause to remember self sabotage is not an uncommon practice in this human form. I am here to Love and to learn, teaching and giving of oneself is a means to an end in the best possible form...it is proof of a life well lived, a life lived in the moments we are talking of.

Epiphanies equal change, often times as they permeate our Psyche and spill into our hearts, presumably making the heart larger...they bring along tremendous pain.

That tremendous pain will then often catapult us into a higher place, a place free of a need to judge, a place where only the things built on, around or with love matter.

Ask a mother that has lost a child what a handful of moments are worth. How about posing the same question to a woman left alone to raise three young boys when her husband dies without warning due to a twist of fate.

Let us ponder a couple deeply in love after being reunited in their later years, they go on to marry and see a whole new life before them at a time when many are resigning themselves to closing out their lives. Imagine what value is placed on their "moments"...Now imagine that same couple finding out six weeks into their heaven on earth finding out the other has a terminal illness. Moments are all they have...if it wasn't their truth before it has certainly become their bittersweet truth now, hasn't it?

Every day, all over the world we live...consciously or unconsciously...the choice is yours, really. Knowing you have this choice why would you choose anything other than joy? I encourage you with all my heart to live from your heart without reservation, without revisiting yesterday...without dread for things that have not happened. I can promise you this, living this way you will live with a sense of wonder and gratitude, you will feel everything and I offer this to you...there IS no other way.

My Love to you comes out with Light and powerful intention...find your peace and give from it freely

Nakupenda,

Malaika

Of Saviors

The beauty of this Life is far beyond anything I could have choreographed, beyond anything I could have imagined even. Learning to love this big Love, this Love that is clearly divinity in it's purest form has delighted my soul endlessly. Should I pass forward on this night I will have shone as my truest self leaving only books unwritten not words unsaid nor love unleashed.

My husband, my true partner and I share a heart it seems at times and for that I am eternally grateful. Had he, my great father in heaven chosen not to pound me and pummel me at times by my own will I would not be the person I am today. The soul that I am within this vessel would not have found it's way back to my Beloved. God has given me so much in polishing my edges and my Life now is spent sharing who I am as this Tribe begins to congregate and this Life becomes richer.

Yes, I was saved and then Life began in earnest knowing that not only was every hair on my head counted but loved. The very same woman that lived much as a victim for many a year no longer settles for less than what the Lord would have for me. My journey toward my husband complete my journey with my husband has begun.

Why all beautiful stories must be visited by tragedy remains a mystery to many but as I have indicated so many times in my writings, I know longer question my God. Although I trust him and don't question him, I have as of late cried to him for a miracle. I cry to him still and some night I ask him to simply cover me in the knowledge that all will be well.

My husband, this man that delights me with the Irish twinkle I never fail to miss in his eyes...is ill and my heart is heavy. I ask that you pray for him. Pray for him for the man that he is, for the life he has lived and the selfless way he has conducted his life after suffering his own horrors for some years. A different road is often chosen by a lesser man...my husbands choices spoke of the spirit that lies within him in this earthly packaging. A miracle is due here, I believe...I humbly ask our Lord and I hope you will too.

We have many years ahead to love one another and give OF ourselves, that is our desire and has always been our calling.

God Bless you all my friends, my Tribe members...like speaks to like and you are never alone.

Iluminatio Mea Dominus...

I leave you in light

Nakupenda,

Sharon ...Malaika

Calling all angels...

Off in the distance I see small headlights, barely a glint...I was called to the window here on my island by the cackle of a crow at just before midnight. It was over my shoulder as I sat to write...My brother, Donny since passing over, drops reminders often if I ask, crows and songs mostly will delight my heart time and time again. It has been this way since a month or less after he made his way home. He is at peace, I know this with conviction.

Sacred, this Life. Never have I felt so vulnerable or pained before and I stumble to pray often now. I feel as though I have laid my heart before the Lord bloody and battered. Never before have I been in a place where I have been called upon to show 100% pure Faith, never. I am rigid and aching inside at the deafening and twisted irony that has been handed down.

I Love you God with all my heart, I pray for your mercy and with great humility for a miracle. Great Love is loving someone more than you love yourself and have that mirrored back to you...God's Unity is celebrated daily, hour by hour. "As it was in the beginning it will be in the end"

I shall trust your will as I know you are a just and loving God.

Oh Afrika...how you call to me

Life has been good to me. GOD has been good to me...the pain I have endured and the true suffering I have known have created who I am. The relinquishing of power is one a process and two an elevated state. Watching one's body age is a grueling and yet soothing place to find yourself is it not...bittersweet and sweet nonetheless.

This "elevated state" I speak of feeds and nourishes the soul, making the lines on my face blur into simply the witnesses they are to all I have known. I will catch a sparkle in my own eyes now that didn't exist before now. I greet each silvery white hair, I am going to attempt to befriend it and let it come...I don't feel the need to "hide" anything anymore. This huge gift, I am enjoying comes at a cost...bravery of heart. It's a great deal...this writer believes

The Joy I feel from the touch of my Husband to that of a beautiful and nurturing phone conversation with my fully grown and astonishing Daughter. These are only two examples of what jumpstart my tired heart in the course of everyday life. EVERY DAY LIFE...yes we have this every day...life. Every day breaks down to every moment, live them.

Just one morning brought news of two deaths today. The word mindful that is my friend is clearly and inevitably a double edged sword. It's HIS plan, HIS orchestration...we must embrace it all, drop for drop. Or stand in denial of it all in a state of deprivation.

I will choose bravery of heart, he has more in store for me...I feel it.

God I Love you, bring it on...you have left me with the preparation I need when I pray for fortitude and acceptance.

Wishing you moments, fully lived.

Malaika...yes feelin Malaika today. ;)

I Never thought I'd...

I never thought I’d see the day where apathy and panic simultaneously ruled the world… Apathy translates itself in so many forms it must be truly pondered to allow you to even recognize it as such. Whether it be a crowded intersection that allows a blind woman to walk into moving traffic or something as simple as a door brushing your foot at a coffee shop where someone’s text message took precedence over not only your foot but a small remnant of respect taught by someone’s mother somewhere down the line. The apathy that is allowed to bleed into a single soul eventually sears the fabric of society. Apathy causes direct pain to people that struggle hard with the depth of their skin and furthers the burden of the apathetic among us. They say “anger is fear” this is a simple concept but perhaps it is time to get a grip on our fear and find Faith… Faith can come in all forms and it should be allowed to be kept indeed private to those who wish it be. It should also be allowed to be sung strongly by those that have found a voice. Faith can overcome apathy and everything apathy spawns, I have witnessed it myself in my own life. It is a relentless pursuit, overcoming apathy…the mightiest tool of all I have found to attempt to wage this PEACE filled war between "good and evil" is JOY. Faith bestowed must be honored for me and so I do honor my creator with the Joy that permeates my soul and my skin…at times I must dance simply because the Joy pushes my body into a rhythm that I can not, will not resist. Aah…Panic Panic can cause devastation like no other… Panic weakens and paralyzes so that forward motion becomes an enigma. What ignites panic? Drama, pain and again that biggee, FEAR… Where there is Faith, there is NO fear…where this is no fear the possibilities become endless. The Joy’s eventually begin to trip over each other yet we laugh as their momentum builds as we are reminded of the origin. Faith begets Faith…how lovely, how natural.

Tolerance and Peace...we can not have one without the other

It says in Ephesians 4 Verse 3 "Always bind yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with Peace".

How many of us live that? As always I imply NO judgement, only a question for each of us to ponder. This universally understood word seems impossible in application for a vast number of man...how sad that makes me on the deepest of levels.

Every day on some level I fight this battle...I consider it a personal duty as well as a Spiritual mission. It is for me a question of fulfilling a long ago promise between myself and my personal Savior. The Joy in doing this is it's own reward as mysterious blessings find me on my everyday path each day without fail...

Until the day we become blind to color, personal religion or lack thereof as well as financial stature and other crippling prejudice we shall remain muddled in our self created maze of confusion.

Wishing you Love and Light and of course...Peace, Amani

Sharon~

Swahili with Madison and I...

The Swahili word of the day is "Sankofa"...

Wikopedia says the word means "To go back and take" which initially gave me pause...as I read It explained further...

"It is okay to go back and take that which was yours" what I take this to mean considering the deep and intense Spiritual nature of the people of Ghana is to reclaim your dignity after pain riddled growth...

I will sing of Sankofa today inside my heart...!

SANKOFA- SAN-KOH-Fa

Such a worthwhile and beautiful venture...

I along with my dearest friend in the world would like to start a new chapter but we can not do it alone...Maji and I invite you to become a part of a team of pure heart believers...

http://www.teamrafiki.org/

Souls...

Do not put out my fire nor take issue with the strength of my Spirit for I will fly from your grip...

When two people unite it is a beautiful thing, let it pull either one backward in a struggle it clearly needs to be redirected. It is a primal thing for your soul to want to tarry alongside another...if we could package the power that ignites we could surely save mankind. The other side here is to risk a fire being deprived of oxygen...or so it seems for brief moments.

feedback welcome and appreciated always as it nourishes my journey as I hope to nourish yours...

Love & Light,

Malaika~Sharon

Dear Lord...it's me, Sharon

The astonishing power of God is so prevalent in all that I see and feel right now. Truth be told I am exhausted and out of steam and yet my spirit is as lifted as it is quieted.

Since my accident I had toned down my outside responsibilities to the bare essentials as I learned to rebuild my being of body, mind and spirit. Nitty gritty real and raw...I face all things. I welcome the pain along with the deepest joy I have known to date. I find myself inspired by women of the greatest character their "stature" irrelevant ...

Whether you sit in a house in Greenwich surrounded by porcelain roses or dwell within the confines of thorns or so it seems often times in the middle of a maze of concrete...you are cut from the very cloth that I am. I celebrate our collective Light.

Just a gift through me on this anniversary of my mom's passing over...>

In Love & Light,

Sharon~

Operating from within when you feel without...

Spiritual growth is a deeply personal thing for me believe it or not. I share what I share because deep inside me there is a place that has been weaving my story in great and yet intricate detail. I have written since I was a child, it has been my constant companion and my refuge. It has also been my truest way of communicating when my emotions overtake me...any emotion be it sadness, fear or joy is far more certain to be delivered in my truest voice.

So many years have been spent in my more recent past moving beyond trauma, beyond sadness, beyond grief thankfully I have landed in a place where my growth has fortified my sense of self.

For so many years my personal power, my personal strength was up for grabs...It isn't anymore. I do falter however for I am so imperfect in this human form.

My spoken voice is far more certain however than it has ever been and it doesn't like to be quieted given it's past.

Only I can define when that happens, it is mine alone to identify and validate. In doing this there are huge decision's to be made, many feelings to sort. Back to prayer is generally where I go in my own way, deep and quiet...my answers always come. I live in a state of meditation during these times, my senses on alert. I pray to find a space with the thinnest of veils. Therefor there is no letter to open or email to check, only paths cleared, paths sometimes blocked and knots to soften.

I am learning still to be gentle with me...I am learning to stop and rest when my body screams out to me in emotional and physical exhaustion. I am learning...I am present in my journey and I am grateful for the process as well as the outcome.

Be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend, listen to your own voice.

In Love & Light,

Sharon~

His work goes on...

"When it feels as if your world is falling apart, know at your core that you are a strong being of light"

This beautiful sentence moved me to write at this particular moment in time. All day my beloved words dance amongst the squirrel on the wire to the shrill pitch of an ambulance, they call to me. Truth is.. they own me the way a child within your womb owns you, in a magical way.

Spiritual or personal Growth is hard work, it demands your presence twenty four seven. Once I committed myself to it I had passed into a land of no "in between"...there was only truth as raw and as naked as it may prove to be. It, along with Love became at once my task master and my Bliss...

A chaotic pull on my peace of mind had begun to rub like the leather of a cheap sandal at my skin and I needed to go inward a bit. Inward for me has been to re-travel many a road, perhaps in more ways than one...

For me, I know deep in my heart and soul there will be redemption...

I pray with 100% Faith in this God that I love and trust, this God that has never forsaken me although I have at times accused him of such... I may even find deep peace while I travel about my journey in this vehicle, never forgetting what a sacred gift I have been given.

So squander not your moments...love with all your heart, pull to one another in solidarity as a member of the human race.

Always remember we are ONE... Respect this and be brave as you fight your spiritual battles amidst the chaos of a twisted time on earth.

A time where so many sit transfixed for hours before a television screen for longer periods of time than we show up for our lives...

Dig deep, Man up and Speak your truths, make them known. If there is a call, step up...write, speak, read, celebrate, create the unimaginable around you and within you, it is your right, it is your privilege.

I want you all to know the companionship of humble, wise and nurturing people has reinforced a lifetime commitment to my writing and gets me through many a dark night.

I am always aware and so often deeply moved by those of you of which I speak.

Know every joy I celebrate I celebrate for us all. Every fall I experience is buffered by the cushion of your compassion and never ending kindness.

The Lord is {again,I speak for me...I have no desire to force my beliefs upon anyone} the beginning and the end and certainly my navigator in between, I walk with him.

The rewards of what my my faith asks of me ,coupled with my thirst for a deeper knowledge of who I have become and who I seek to become in the future are beyond what I could have dreamt and yet they are not...I worked hard to have every "knot" dissolve within my soul, to lay every foundation on which to build...

I even expect as many of you already know if you know me that I will find myself immersed in Africa, fighting for the "hopeless" one day to help prove there is no such thing. I am hardly a pioneer, I am only a foot soldier...I am yet one voice. Hear it or dismiss it...

You are my friend, you are my witness and you are my "Tribe member" stay with me and share your stories as you hopefully feel moved to...

I wish you Love and I wish you peace...I wish you the courage of your convictions.

Sharon~

The deep dark passage back to page...

Why would I be surprised at all that I find myself here again...? This was my sole and my soul's retreat for so long, this is where my inspiration found it's voice. Did I think it was time to put my truest voice to rest? Suddenly I feel a sadness for Van Goghe and every tortured artist...it is important that I acknowledge this deep, unbridled and mournful passion that has been ignored causing the levy to break...My heart is heavy as my voice is stifled, it is time to emerge from my silence and once again speak with my writers voice. I will not stary far now...I am settling back in for work, the hold on my wrist is firm and unmistakable.

Goodbye to Africa...I will return in some sense inevitably for I have Loved you

It is time for me to say good bye to a beautiful chapter in an uncommon life. Whether there is anyone out in that wilderness that cares to witness this road I now choose is in a bittersweet sense unimportant...more importantly I am present in the truest sense I have ever known. What I have been busy learning now serves it's highest purpose as I make a Life with the mate of my soul. Any dream I had dared dream way off in the far periphery of my mind is dropping petals as my path. Every trauma, every pain, every injustice I have suffered or witnessed is being put into a framework of the most delightful pattern imaginable. Thank you Lord for this beautiful man whom with the twinkle of his eye captured the essence of who I am. From that moment to this my heart has blossomed unto the world in the boldest of ways, passionate and honerable.

I look forward to this unfolding wonderland with the enthusiasim of a child and the wisdom of a fully grown woman...

May God Bless us all and instill in us a sense of personable responsibility to that of humanity and to him.

In Love and Light,

Sharon~

Malaika shall always live on inside of me...

This is my beloved and this is my friend.~Song of Solomon 5:16

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God and knoweth God ... Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us."~1 John 4:7, 11-12~