I have found myself quite preoccupied with a few particular parts of the Bible lately, unable to move away from them and onto something else. This has left me a bit "stuck" or so I thought...What I have come to know is I am never stuck, I am simply not yet privy to awareness.
When the awareness comes, I write and then my path will move forward...it always does. This repetition is something that has built layer upon layer of FAITH and for that I am so very grateful. The stillness holds so much when we allow ourselves to dissolve into it...for me God is within that quiet space awaiting my questions, waiting for my prayers with the love and the patience of a Father, the Father.
Somewhere within my pain and my suffering three years back there was a calling...I was called upon to become a "Heart Servant" for the Lord and there is, for me no turning back. When I have tried I am met with firm resistance. Now I celebrate this inescapable truth, this choice every day and pray for his guidance, this as I have said is not a solitary task. There are many set backs that come with such a privilege as this, much resistance from many and a lack of understanding on the part of most. I is becoming more and more apparent that I have chosen the path of a Spiritual Warrior.
This does not fare well even as most of society readily admits we have become a greed driven race bent on self destruction. "Africa"??... or just a dazed expression is a bit of what I have seen and heard ....when in reality I am the sanest I have ever been. Africa for most must conjure up a vision of me dragging my child through the dusty dirt to our mud hut while she eats fireants to stay alive...Yes, there certainly is this kind of reality and far worse IN Africa. Yet despite this I have not lost my mind, I am still "me"...only better, wiser and stronger.
No, I am not foolish and reckless enough to take my child that is of my very own womb into a part of Africa that is that totally ravaged and volatile. If I choose to be a part of that it will be when my daughter is on her own, an independent adult as are my other children now.
There are cities in Africa and small villages that are in dire need of help and support but where my daughter will be safe.
In allowing Gods words to run like a river from the elusive portals of my mind to my very heart and soul the bond becomes more solid every day. The commitment eclipses most everything now. Rest assured not safety.
It is my firm belief that I was saved so that I would understand sacrifice with great Love in my heart for the well being of those that have no hope, I was given hope so that I may share that wealth as a Christian and as a human being, without fear. For where there is Faith there is no fear.
My comfort comes from the words of the Bible and also from much Wisdom passed down through the ages for I realize I will be doing the Lords bidding in Africa. I will come up against many an atrocity and much that tries to wear me down in the battle between good and evil.
I will not falter for I have been pulled from the very pit of despair to fight against inequity.
mimi nakupenda!
Malaika~
"Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119;105
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